Wednesday, July 30, 2008

It's gone! Gone!

Oh my dear sweet Betty Mable Lou! My truck is destroyed! My aqua-green, new leather, fender-complete truck is gone! And for once, I had nothing to do with it. It was hit by a flaming couch that fell from the sky. I dunno where that couch came from, but I know it ended up on end sticking through the bed of my beautiful truck. Sadly, I'd just finished waxing the truck just before the couch hit it. I have found, in my many years, that bacon grease makes a really fine truck wax. It's water-proof, readily available and it makes your car smell like bacon all the time. Sure, you occasionally have to shoo dogs and obese people away, and you've gotta eat a heck of a lot of bacon to have enough grease to wax a truck, but it's usually worth it. Fortunately, I pay attention to the nightly news. Every time you see someone on that there news that's a hundred and whatnot, they always say they eat a pack of bacon every day. So, I'm pretty sure that's the secret to long life. That and not dying for a long time, that is. Well, that bacon wax had helped me all my life. As it turns out, though, covering your car in pork fat isn't a good idea if your truck is going to be speared through by a flaming couch from out of a clear blue sky. In the very unlikely event that happens, the car almost instantly becomes engulfed in flames and your years of hard work and your proof that super-intelligent flying squirrel monkeys exist are both down the tubes. I guess I need my car repaired, so I'm gonna hang this lantern thingy out the window and see if the squirrels can come fix it.

I'm gonna pause here for a bit of philosophatin. Here's the thing I been thinking about: if those squirrels come and fix my truck, they're gonna be replacin the exterior and most of the cab. Well, I've had that truck a long time, I've replaced all the belts and hoses, the starter, rebuilt the carb and done other small repairs. About 10 years ago, I replaced the engine because the last one had a cracked block. I've pulled out the transmission and replaced the gear box, got myself a new exhaust system after I started feeling woozy driving around. In short, I have replaced every piece on that truck. So, is it still the same truck? I dunno. Douggy says yes because it's got the same VIN and the lady at the DMV said "Stop wasting my time, sir," when I asked her. I guess it's just between me and Albert now. Maybe I'll ask the squirrel monkeys when they come, they're pretty smart.

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